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Introduction: The Anti-Roadmap roadmap

Blyat, comrades! Your babushka called. She said crypto needed more Adidas stripes and less corporate bullshit. Time to squat our way into financial freedom with the most culturally accurate roadmap ever conceived in a parking lot at 3 AM.

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Phase 1:

The Squat Foundation (

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Mission:

Prove crypto was too soft before we arrived.

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What We Actually Did

(no Latte meetings)

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• Got Rugged Like True Slavs.
  Lost coins, kept form! Paper hands folded; we origami’d them into adidas coupons. Now the stash is thicc.
   

• Built The Bunker!
  Discord / Telegram / X: less boardroom, more stairwell symposium.
   

• Survived Crypto Winter
  Others cried into chamomile; we pulled beanies down and squatted deeper.

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Meme Milestone Unlocked: From rug to riches!!! babushka calls it “character development.”
 

Scenario: Security says “move along”; our nylon says “we were never still, tovarisch.”

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Phase 2:

The Expansion (SQUAT)

 

Mission:

Turn memes → money → more memes → existential enlightenment.

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THE SQUAT PASS — 589 NFT DROP

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Not just JPEGs, comrade. Real tracksuits for real people.
 

• 589 NFTs = 589 Physical Items — Tracksuits, caps, mystery relics. JPEG with kneecaps.
   

• Mint Party Drops that feel like block parties, not webinars.
   

• 100% Mint Revenue → LP. Every mint feeds the lake; holders do laps.
   

• Anti-Western-Spy Feature. NFT + Physical = proof you’re not crypto-LARPing. Show track pants or gtfo.​

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Scenario: When Babushka hears the Velcro rip, she adds extra pickles! “Power lifter, I see.”​​​

 

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Phase 3:

The Profitability Phase – Webshop & Passive Income

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Mission:

Make everyone rich! BLYAT!!! Yes, even the Babushka who thinks your wallet is witchcraft.​

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THE GOPNIK WEBSHOP EMPIRE

(Amazon, but for people who squat​.)

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• Tracksuit Collections  Physical drip that pumps digital bags.
   

• NFT-Authenticated Sneakers — Blockchain proof of squatness with every lace.
   

• Revenue Share — LP holders touch grass and passive income.​

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Viral Marketing Unleashed

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• HODL 2.0 = SQUAT — Squat Quietly Until Takeoff.

  • Merch: I SQUATTED THROUGH THE BEAR MARKET hoodies (knees respected).

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• Gopnik City Builder (Telegram mini-game)

  • Collect tracksuits, build crews, farm tokens; share or be shamed.

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• Slavic Burn Rites — Monthly Tracksuit Retirement Ceremonies: burn tokens → unlock exclusive drops. Light candle, lower hips, ascend.

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Scenario: Exchange listing rumor? Pigeons form arrow pattern pointing to “BUY.”​

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PHASE 4:—

GLOBAL SQUAT DOMINATION 

 

Mission:

Make squatting a recognized Olympic sport and an everyday commute.

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World Conquest Plan

 

Infrastructure

• Multi-chain expansion: ETH / SOL / BSC. More chains, more benches to ignore.
   

• Major CEX listings — Add squat emojis to the order book.
   

• Gopnik Academy — Proper squat form + crypto literacy. No paywall, just sweat.
   

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Cultural Revolution

• Physical GOPNIK stores. Berlin, NYC, Tokyo. Fluorescents mandatory.
   

• Gopnik Music Label. If it shakes the panelka, it’s signed.
   

• Corporate collabs. McDonald’s Gopnik Meal (tracksuit pants not included… yet).
  
   

The Legacy

• Olympic Squatting Sponsorship — Quads of steel, hearts of nylon.
   

• Gopnik University — Major in knee angles, minor in market cycles.
   

• Space Program — Zero-G squat drill: engage core, honor stripes.
   

Phase Taglines:

• If the Earth is round, we’ll squat around it.
   

• From panelka to planet—Olympic quads, cosmic nylon.​

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